You Eat Babies!
by Takashidaimao
Summary: Vegeta finds something in Piccolo's room that he thinks would be tasty. Dende begs to differ. Oneshot


Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any of it's characters. God, I wish I owned Piccolo, though...

Notes: My first little one shot. This started ages ago when I was eating my green Skittles, which I always save for last, and said to my friend "I wonder if Piccolo would feel weird eating green things..." We then got in a discussion on what would be awkward to eat around a Namekian and, well, here's what I ended up doing. Takes place just after the Frieza Saga when the Namekians are living at Capsule Corp. Rated T for naughty language and talk of eating babies. Possible OOCness for Yamcha? He seems the drinking type to me, anyway.

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Out of the blue, Vegeta came up to the table where Bulma, Kuririn and Yamcha were sitting and placed, or rather nearly slammed, the biggest egg any of them had ever seen on the surface. The three of them stared at it before looking up at the Saiyan Prince. His lip twitched, displaying his annoyance at their lack of mind reading abilities.

"Cook it, woman!" he ordered, pointing a finger at the blue haired woman he'd apparently deemed his servant girl. Bulma looked down at the egg, then back up at the impatient Prince once again. "Where'd you get that?" she questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Who cares!? Just cook it up for me, dammit! Scramble it, poach it, make it into a fucking omlette, I don't care! As long as it's ready for me to eat in five minutes!"

As he spoke, the three sitting at the table noticed the Saiyan glancing over his shoulder every so often. They looked at each other, all seemingly sharing the same feeling that something was up. Still, they merely shrugged it off as nothing as Bulma reached out to take the egg. She was just an inch from touching it when a much faster hand snatched it away. The blue haired woman looked up slowly until her eyes came in contact with a rather furious looking Piccolo, the egg now held close against his chest.

Vegeta looked up at the Namekian now towering above him, not in the least bit afraid. "Hey, slug! What's gotten your panties in a twist toda--" The Saiyan Prince's taunt was cut short by a swift punch to the jaw from the angry Namekian. As Vegeta picked his sorry ass off the ground, still rubbing his sore cheek a bit, Piccolo turned around and quickly walked off, not saying a word to anyone. Dende watched Piccolo return up to his room as he made his way towards the table.

"W-wow, he looks mad... What did you guys say to him?" the small boy asked nervously, looking up at the four adults. Yamcha, unfortunately, was the one who'd answered. "Vegeta stole his egg or somethin'. Guess he was savin' it fer later..." he said as he held a beer bottle upside down above his head, peering into the unacceptable emptiness. Dende looked a bit shocked. "Well, of course he's mad if Vegeta stole his... Wait... save it for later? What are you talking about?"

Yamcha, who'd been drinking for a while after having had yet another fight with Bulma, looked lazily down at the young Namekian. Bulma and Kuririn, having caught on the instant Vegeta was punched, couldn't act fast enough to stop what they knew was going to happen next.

"Whaddaya mean? He was saving it to eat it later 'imself, but Vegeta stole it an' was gonna eat it on him first." The moment following was nothing but silence as everyone stared at him, all with a different look on their faces. Kuririn gave him that "dude, you just fucked up" stare. Bulma had her hand over her mouth, absolutely speechless. Dende had a look of pure horror on his face. Vegeta looked as if he'd start laughing any moment. Yamcha looked around at all of them, not aware he'd said anything wrong. "What?"

Again, no one could do anything before Dende damn near exploded. "That's horrible!! How can you say something like that?! Why would anyone in their right minds eat an egg?! That's absolutely barbaric!!" He shouted, tears forming in his cute little eyes. Unfortunately, Bulma and Kuririn's oral reflexes hadn't improved in the last ten seconds, as Yamcha responded first again.

"Pfffft... Don' be stupid, kid. People eat eggs everyday. 'S called breakfast." At this point, Vegeta was on the floor, dying of laughter. If Dende's jaw could have dropped any further, it would have. "You're horrible people!! YOU EAT BABIES!!" he yelled, now catching the attention of everyone else in the room. Wanting to avoid any more of a scene, Bulma kneeled down to talk to the little Namekian.

"I'm really sorry, Dende-chan, none of us knew that was Piccolo's egg. Not even Vegeta..." she said sweetly, looking over at Vegeta towards the end, who was still laying on his back, laughing so hard he couldn't brethe. Bulma glared at him and elbowed him in the shin. "Tell him, Vegeta. You didn't know that egg was Piccolo's baby, did you?"

The Saiyan managed to take a long enough break in his hysterical laughter to look up at the two. "Fuck that! I knew what it was! I just wanted to piss him off!" After that, he returned to his laughing. Bulma didn't have enough time to look appalled before Dende exacted his revenge. Stepping forward, the little Namekian placed the hardest kick he could muster right in the most sensitive part of the man's body. While Vegeta was writhing on the ground, now for an entirely different reason, a sobbing Dende ran off to find Elder Muri.

Needless to say, none of them ever ate eggs in front of a Namekian again.


End file.
